What happens then, when the silence, the distance I placed between you and I grows into a monster,
a monster I can never, never subdue, eating into my soul, my subconscious, my entity.
My fears, my fears for you receding into another world completely without me, my fears for you moving on ahead without me,
I’m afraid you may have already done so, yet I’m just here unwilling to move, hoping for a better change but yet, not moving at all.
These monstrous four walls are closing in on me, and I can’t move anymore,
though it probably is easier to do what you have to do, with or without me.
I dreamt that I lashed out at you, shouted mean things at you, and it was never the same again,
and to realise how scary that is after I woke up, but not knowing what I can do about it, is just terribly horrible.
This fleeting illusion adds on to my fears, feeding the monster with my fears that has become its salvation.
My love to you, which I must accept, is slowly becoming something I no longer preserve.
So allow me to disappear slowly into the distance, into air, into nothingness, right in front of your eyes,
as I swore never to be this way again, with or without you.
But you came back.
You came back and you taught me how to feel butterflies over and over again.