that loving you isn't hard. perhaps it is harder for you to love me, with all my flaws, my shell, my simple-mindedness (well I don't think I'm very complicated. I just think too much most of the time. I also tend to worry a lot.), also to love you in spite of your flaws and short comings too.
to remind myself,
that love is a choice. you made the choice to love me. I'm choosing to love you too, instead of not doing so. at this point I believe two is better than one. when we're old and wrinkly, when the world has changed and will be changing, I hope our love wouldn't change. or at very least, change for the better.
to remind myself,
it's okay that life do not go according to plan. so what if I'm unemployed? as long as I'm trying, right? it's okay to <strike>complain</strike> talk about this right because it's a legit concern? not because I'm a self-titled millennial who stretches her hands and life will drop from the sky. well I truly I'm not. all I'm asking for is the chance to prove myself, to the world. but at the end of the day, isn't it I who have to prove myself to?
to remind myself,
that I'm truly blessed. with a shelter over my head, with food on the table, with a family who loves me.
to remind myself,
no one thinks about you more than you do. yourself. myself. so it's okay. (but is it really????)
to remind myself,
I'm a confident strong woman who does not need a man. (yet is very lucky to have one by my side.)
to remind myself,
I am not to be dishearten.
I am not to be weak.
I am still the same me 3 years ago, eager to work, to make my mark in the world.
I am just waiting for a job that suits me (what if I already found that job but I threw it away????)
to remind myself (or to put the blame on myself because it is no one else's fault that I can't find a job. it's not the bad market, it's not the lover's restrictions, it's because I don't know what I want to do with my life.
so what is there to remind myself of?